No Rainbows and Sunshine Here.

I promised to be transparent when I started this blog.

Today is not an awesome day. Yes, we are blessed beyond measure, and God continues to provide for my family, and I am amazed. However, today I feel defeated. Today my heart breaks. I am exhausted.

It hurts me to notice my husband feeling defeated as well. He still doesn’t have a job. He sits at the computer each night and applies for jobs and sends out e-mails with his resume’. It is not that he gets rejection letters, as he has only received one. However, that one rejection letter is the only response he has gotten. I try so hard to hold my frustration in, I don’t want to add to the burden that I know he carries. I want to be his rock. One thing is for certain I have certainly learned to pray for my husband more.

I want to call the company he worked for and blame them for this situation, but I can’t. I know good will come from this. God has promised that. It is just hard to see sometimes. I know better things are in store for my family. We have grown so much already.

I didn’t sleep well last night. Maybe 2 hours. I was up all night worrying about our dog, Cooper. He went to a new home today.

I am not a dog person, I never pretended to be, but I TRIED to be….for my girls. The stress alone he brought to the daily life was doing me in. I was trying to ignore the chewed up toys, eaten pacifiers, ruined objects everywhere, the accidents in the house right after he had been taken out, it was all taking its toll on me. Well, last night when he nipped at Corryn and took a cookie from her aggressively, that was it.

We had been toying with the idea of looking for a new home for him for a little while, and if we didn’t have a steady stream of income soon, we would HAVE to find him a new home. So last night when he nipped at the baby, we contacted someone who was interested in taking him.

I am pretty sure if we didn’t have the whole financial aspect of paying for him over our heads, we would have tried harder to make it work.

I was in tears as his new family pulled up to the house to take him home. I was trying to teach the new owners about his favorite things but couldn’t seem to get the words out. It wasn’t that I was attached to the dog, he drove me nuts, It was the hurt I knew my girls were going to experience. I was heartbroken for them.

Mikayla knew what was going on, and she was being so calm about everything. She was filling in all the words for me. Katelyn was in the kitchen not knowing what was going on. I was trying to keep it that way. However, it was only a matter of time, when they placed the leash on Cooper that Katelyn knew he was leaving. She cried, and begged for him to come home. I brought her into the other room, and I heard the man tell Scott that everything would get better. I promised the girls that we would not get another pet, ever again. Until they were as old as I am.

I wish this bitterness that I feel right now would just go away. Right now. I know a good night of sleep and prayer will allow me to wake up and embrace a brand new beginning!

I will definitely post the entry I have been working on displaying all of the ways God has blessed us and provided for us this past week, but tonight, I really had to get this off my chest.